LET’S DO THIS!

Where have you been?

Where you been?

Hello.

Hello.

How are you?

Sounds like Adele.

Nope. It’s me, Shauna.

I’ve been on a long break — two months to be exact.

My family and I had a huge scare right before Christmas and I closed up like a clam on the seashore.

Why?

My husband got into a huge car accident and totaled his truck going 55+ mph – slamming right into the back of a sudden stopped few cars ahead of him in the fast lane. It came out of nowhere and he didn’t have time to react. Other than to put up his arms to protect his face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I got the call from him on December 16, I was putting my little guy down for a nap.

And my worst fears were on the other line.

He was freaking out.

I couldn’t really understand him with all the gibberish. Just that he was worried about the car in front of him. His truck was trashed.

Something about the hospital. 


Dealing with his crash and health.

The car insurance company.

The rental car company.

The hospital.

It was a nightmare.

Having only one car, plus having to nurse my husband back to health and still care of three young boys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I became exhausted and tapped out.

But the fact was, I was already exhausted and tapped out. Just never slowed down enough to process it.

My only response was to shut down physically.

I couldn’t process any more sh*t happening in my life.

No more decisions.

No more errands.

No more cooking.

No more stress!

I was walking on thin ice and everyone around me knew I was at my breaking point.

My husband was healing by this time but the immediate shock of it all really knocked me to my core.

What if I lost my husband?

What if he was gone?

And I was to care for three boys, a house, a family, all the stuff we have, our 12 acres of land that’s without a house, BY MYSELF?

What if????


Soon afterwards — one of my most favorite people in the world was in the hospital and possibly having a heart attack or kidney-failure. Yikes!

I felt powerless and depressed and distracted and lost.

So, I did what I needed to do.

Shut off everything.

Social media. My business. Friends. Bills. 99% of my responsibilities.

I did the bare minimum and officially checked out.

My kids were fed, rested and taken care of. Win! But I wasn’t in any mood to play or be there like I usually was.

Cooking? Yea. Not so much.

Pizza and mac n cheese was on the menu most nights – all takeout or Annie’s boxed.

I turned on Netflix and went on a binge.

Blacklist. Narcos. Orange is the new black. Medici.

Anything and everything to help me not have to make one more decision.

I needed to rest.

I needed all of it to just stop.

And so the past two months, I’ve done what my body needed.

I rested.

The good thing coming from something scary?

  • I listened to my body and asked her what she needed.
  • I took a long, hard look at my life and wanted to start making it MY life. Not running it how someone else thought I should.
  • I signed up for therapy. And have been going regularly. 
  • I started walking my oldest to school and taking the long way back.
  • I asked my husband to take me out on more dates and have more alone time.
  • I pulled my middle from a crappy situation in Kindergarten and signed him up for fun classes to play instead of stress out. Come on. He’s five!
  • I wrote down my priorities for MY life. And organized them accordingly.
  • I went to the dr and talked about the possibility of taking anti-anxiety meds.

To cope. To process. To take the edge off. For now.

We’ll see what happens with that. Not sure I’m excited about the side-effects but that’s for another post.

  • I went on a mini solo vacation to one of my fave spots in the world and my old stomping grounds — San Diego — where I’m writing this article right now.

In a small cafe looking out to the busy street of beach-goers.

  • I got a two hour massage.
  • I walked for two hours on the beach. Collected seashells to bring back to my boys. And husband. In quiet. No chatting or busyness.

Essentially, I’m starting to put myself first.

I can’t change what’s going to happen.

Not here, not now, not tomorrow or in six years.

I know that I want to make my life amazing again.

I know that I want to enjoy every minute with my kids and my husband. And make them a priority again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More being present and enjoying the small things.

I also know that I want and need to get back to myself. And my dreams.

I need to create space for myself. Quiet space. No chaos. Just calmness.

To think. To read. To sit. To enjoy a guilty pleasure of a Blacklist binge on Netflix if I need it. And not give a sh*t about what I should be doing or what someone says I need to be doing.

No more guilt.

To go to the beach (my happy place). To hang with myself often. To get back to the strong, confident, energetic and silly girl I once was.

To take care of myself. My mental health. My body. To move freely. Be the best I can be for ME first. And then take care of the rest.

“You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Fill yours up first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t be everything to everyone. I can only be what I am.

I need to realize that, and be more patient with myself.


So, what does this mean for Rockin’ Mom’s Kitchen?

My heart yearns to make my business successful and exciting.

To create new products, to share my story, to inspire women – busy, tired, stressed and tapped out women all over the world.

But, I can’t do that when I’m not speaking my truth and trying to be something I’m not.

I don’t have the bandwidth.

I’m not someone who has it all together. Or someone who is organized. My life on most days is a sh*t storm of running around, kids, food, rushing, tears, driving too fast, forgetting to pay bills or that my oldest’s assignment is still sitting on the table but I just dropped him off at school. I’m constantly minutes behind schedule, drinking too much coffee, sugar, and lately, eating out. 

But, I’m human. And I’m doing the best I can right now with all of the circumstances and the cards I’ve been dealt.

And I’m excited that I’m finally realizing this. Just wish it didn’t take a huge car accident and possible heart attack of a close friend to do that.

But, that’s sometimes life, huh?

So, what excites me?

I’ll first start with this.

What doesn’t excite me is having to feel like I need to post only recipes all day, everyday. On social media.

And just use my website for recipes. To label myself by a particular diet or new fad or trend. It’s just not me. 

And to be honest, if I hear about strict, rigid diets anymore I’m gonna throw up.

I’m so much more than food. 

I am me and that’s all I can be. 

  • I love beginner gardening.
  • Re-growing food.
  • Experimenting with food and how I can whip sh*t up in 20 minutes with nothing in the kitchen.
  • Traveling.
  • Finding ways to incorporate movement without having to be dragged to the gym with the sweaty muscle guy who looks like he’s about to burst.
  • Staying up till 1 am on Pinterest to create boards for interior design. For my new house we’re planning to build. On 12 acres?! 
  • Creating products for women (particularly moms) so they can feel good in their bodies. Without all the stress of should’s, could’s, or would’s.  I want to empower women to take control of their health. But in a quick and easy way. No stress or judgment.
  • Shooting cooking videos with my crazy a*s kids in the background. It’s hilarious. (Not sure why I’ve always shot my videos when everyone was outside or napping?! Just thought it was what I was “supposed” to be doing).
  • Dancing in the kitchen. With my kids. And without them. Just because it’s fun. And because I love to dance.
  • Sharing my favorite things – what books I’m reading, songs I’m listening to, ways I’m trying to get out of my funk that shows up a couple times a year.
  • And sharing my least favorite things. Or things I’m scared of. Or that I worry about.

Food is just one small part of me.

And interrupting a beautiful date night with my husband to snap a photo of our delicious dinner (then taking 10 minutes to edit) and post on social media, to me, right now, is unacceptable.

So, today, I’m stepping away from all the should’s.

And stepping into what works for me, right now.

I don’t know exactly that means at the moment.

But I want to get back into my groove, create new products, live, love, enjoy life, without sacrificing the time I have with my family.

I’m going to do what works for me right now. Whatever that is.

Reprioritize my time. Reorganize my life. My business.

Because the hard truth is – raising a family is difficult. I’m officially outnumbered with three boys + a husband. Testosterone run my life.

But, because I’m a priority, just as my kids football, drama, field trips and school. My health and well being should be on the top of that list, too. Not just everyone else’s activities or wants or needs.

I’m important. And for the past few years, I haven’t been at the top of my priority list.

And that’s changing.

Creating the life I want. Not just reacting to what it is or should be. But what I’m doing and where I’m going.

How can I be of service to the world, to my family, but more importantly, to myself?

How can I inject more FUN into my life?

My oldest on Splash Mountain at Disneyland last month. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How can I be a better mother, daughter, wife, sister, friend without being a better person to myself first?

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, I invite you.

Are you living the life you want? Or one that someone else told you you should be living?

Are you stressed, tired, overwhelmed, mentally and physically exhausted? And feeling like you’re not being your best?

Let’s all stop the would’s, could’s and should’s.

And start focusing on our wants, needs and desires.

Don’t wait for a tragedy to happen. Like I did. 


How do you want to feel everyday? In your body? In your life? With your family? In your work and the work you put out into the world? In your play?

How can you show up for yourself more?

Ask your body what she needs. And stop. To listen. You’ve only got one. And only one life. 

Let’s make it the best, most sexy, confident, healthy beauty it can be.

Powerful, strong, waking up to live every day to the fullest.

Wanna join me?

Let’s do this! 

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. 

What are you truly here for? What’s your truth and your why?

Share with me so we can create a movement of women who are raw, who think, who share their story, who aren’t afraid to live a better, more vibrant life, who want to take the first steps to take care of themselves. #selfcareisntselfish

Hugs always,

xoxoxo

Shauna 

PS – Here’s a raw photo of me today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my hotel room.

In San Diego.

It’s crazy windy outside and a huge storm is about to hit.

I took the photo about 15 times. And deleted each one.

My hair is messy. I have no makeup on. I’m sleep-deprived because of the partiers last night next to my room.

But, I made a decision.

To post the next photo. 

In the raw.

Just me.

No deleting.

No cropping, putting on makeup, changing my outfit to a brighter color. No editing.

Just me.

So, there it is. 

Shauna in the raw. 

Here’s to mom-hood, womanhood, raw-hood. Accepting ourselves for where we’re at right now. 

At this very moment.

Peace! ;)

PPS – Here’s an update on my husband — He’s fine. Cars were just wrecked. No, he wasn’t drinking or texting. Just made a split decision that turned out to be the wrong one.

Hugs!

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34 comments

  • Nancy

    I am at work and started to cry as I read the last part of this …most days I am just trying to make it all happen for everyone. I am tired. What made me cry was, what is my why, my truth, my reason??? I have no damn idea anymore. I guess just momming and working and running everyone around and making sure they are fed and put to bed on time. Kinda sad

    • Shauna

      Oh Nancy! I’m so here for you. I know what you’re feeling like so please don’t hesitate to email me. You’ve got my personal email address if you need extra support.

      You’re a rockstar and doing an incredible job with your life. You always put everyone first and they love you for that. Just remember to take care of yourself too so you can be your best. For yourself first. :)

      Keep me posted if you need anything!!! :)

      Hugs!

      Shauna

  • Carrie

    Dear Shauna, thank you so much for your truth and honesty. So many people say life is hard, but they only post beautiful photos of a perfect life, leaving us moms/women feeling like we’re the only inadequate ones out there. You are beautiful and relevant in your raw, exposed self. Thank you so much for sharing- your post brought me to tears. I can definitely relate to so much of what you’ve said. I hope you continue to do what works for you and what makes you happy.

    • Shauna

      HI Carrie! Thank you so much for your note. It was really difficult for me to write this one. I’m usually a very closed book type of person and it’s very hard to talk about my feelings. But, it was just so incredibly uplifting to get that off of my chest. And I’m seriously awed by the response from the community. Emails and comments are still coming in. So, I’m super grateful for that.

      And I think we need to create some type of movement that shows the raw-hood of mom-or woman-hood. Instead of all these “perfect” moms running businesses, having clean houses, and early to every appointment. Haha. Because that’s definitely not me and a lot of women I know.

      So, I’m fist pumping you and giving you a virtual high five to all of our mistakes, oops, goofs, and just all around messiness of being a woman today. You rock Carrie and you’re doing an incredible job!

      xoxo :)

      Shauna

  • Monette

    Hi Shauna!
    I’m glad your husband is okay. I love this. I “found” you posting recipes on Whole30, but I was drawn to you and your awesome dance parties in the kitchen. I loved how real you were and unashamed to post yourself dancing. I wanted to join you and have videod myself but never posted because of toys on the ground, wrong angles, excess fat jiggling… etc. etc. I would love whatever else you decide to post outside of food ☺. Here’s to enjoying the moments and being present.
    You rock!

    • Shauna

      Thank you so much for your love note, Monette. You were one of the first ones I even mentioned to about my husbands accident.

      And let me just say I usually would “stage” my videos in the beginning. My kitchen would be clean, toys off the floor and dishes would be clean. Haha. Then, I started to realize it was making it not fun anymore so I began to leave the kitchen messy and just post my kids sometimes in the background. Just because it was fun.

      I fell into the trap of perfection and the truth is – I’m far from perfect. And instead of hiding that. I’m gonna embrace all my little weird habits and quirks and tell the world my message. I’m ready to speak it.

      My kitchen is a disaster on most days, I like wine, I sometimes feed my kids out of a box but at the end of the day, I do my best, they eat a tremendous amounts of veggies and they’re happy kids. Life is good.

      Thank you for your amazing note and being a part of this awesome community. So glad to have you here love!

      xoxoxo ;)

      Shauna

  • Tami McAfee

    I was wondering just yesterday what happened to you. Missed seeing you on IG! Xo Tami

  • Sarah

    You are awesome. So incredible, encouraging, helpful… Hugs to you!! XOX

  • Teri Ohlsson

    Cousin I love you so very much! I am glad that Michael is okay and you have stopped to find yourself again. I’m going through this myself and about to make a huge change in my life. We are leaving California to work in Arkansas. I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m depressed, I’m almost every emotion there is to have except it in ragards to one single decision. Hope to see everyone before we go. Hang in there! You got this…. PS Give everyone hugs and kisses from me.

    • Shauna

      Teri! You have to fill me in about the move. I think Curt might have mentioned this to us last year. Are you selling your property or keeping it for now? Do you know how long it’s for? You’ll have to call me. I’m here if you need to chat. Love you! :)

  • Tiffany

    SO MUCH YES!! I am in the same boat…trying to claw my way up from being everyone’s everything and remembering to be my first thing. It is NOT easy like you said but I am with you sista! You are inspiring, strong, self-aware and I stand with you in arms to take back the title of “ME!” Not always mom, wife, friend, daughter, granddaughter because if we aren’t the best versions of ourselves we are giving those who need us crap. Let’s do this lady! PS – You are beautiful, never be afraid to post a raw picture. Screw the haters!

    • Shauna

      Haha Love this one Tiffany. Thank you so much for making me feel like I’m not alone. And you get it. So uplifting – it’s crazy!

      And YES! Let’s do this!

      HUGS,

      So grateful you’re apart of this community – happy you’re here.

      Shauna

  • Janni Kimble

    Thank you for this. My life has been turned upside down and inside out over the last 2 months as well and I am also trying to focus on self care. I have 3 little kids, run my own business, and am endlessly helping others. I look forward to seeing where your self care journey takes you and hopevto gain inspiration on how I can regain myself too!

    • Shauna

      Janni! Sound like we’re in quite the same boat so I know you understand. Right now I’m just taking small steps and saying no just to about everything. No expectations – just living in the moment and seeing where all my desires take me.

      I am giving you mad props for doing what you’re doing and I hope you know you’re a rockstar mama! Hugs and lots of love!!!
      xoxo :)

      Shauna

  • Lee

    Shauna, I’m so glad you’re husband is doing well, and that you shared this post. It sucks that it sometimes takes a terrible situation for us to realize what is important. I love your honesty about how hard it can be to juggle family, food, work, mental health, etc. I often feel an unhealthy amount of stress about planning healthy dinners and making time to work out. It makes me feel worse if I catch myself comparing my life to others on social media who seem to have everything together perfectly. I really appreciate your post, and I hope that you can continue to do what makes you happy!

    • Shauna

      Thank you so much for taking time to send me this note, Lee! It really means a lot and I’m super grateful you’re here. Let me just say I get the “comparisonitis” as I’ve got it bad when I let myself dive into that dark hole. I was constantly feeling like I wasn’t good enough, the photos, posts, thoughts, recipes, and on and on weren’t perfect or what I should be doing. And it was incredibly exhausting. So, just know I understand and I think so many people are feeling the same way. (I think from the response – I underestimated what would happen if I shared that story – and all of the comments and emails were amazing and so supportive). Makes you wonder why I didn’t share earlier. :)

      Just know you’re not alone and we’re in this crazy thing together. Big hugs and lots of love.

      Shauna

  • Cristina Langley

    Tears as I read this. It was like you looked into my heart and told the story of what was there. Because this comment is public, I can’t go into detail but know that you are not alone. It’s tough to be so much to so many people and not know who you are. I know I need to take some steps for me but I’m at a loss of where to start. I keep saying maybe one day and hoping that one day won’t be too late.

    • Shauna

      Thank you so much Cristina! I’m so happy you’re here and if you need to reach out – you know my personal email. Just know that we’re all in this together and we can support each other. Just take baby steps and find some quiet time to reflect and be still. I’m with you and sending you so much love and hugs.

      xoxox :)

      Shauna

  • Abby

    I love your honesty. Thank you so much! That’s what I’m trying to figure out with my life right now-making me and my family number one by losing weight, getting alone time, and trying to do what makes me happy and the best I can be. Loved your post!! Have fun in SD!!

    • Shauna

      Hi Abby! Thank you so much for being here and taking the time to send me this note. I’m loving all of your hopes and dreams. We need to take care of ourselves so we can be our best. Hugs to you and I support you no matter what! xoxoxo :)

  • L albright

    You go girl! Real and authentic! Just thought this morning that if social media is showing the best part of ourselves what would happen if we/I showed “actual truth”, no fluff, no proper lighting! A new movement it is!! Let’s go!!

    • Shauna

      Ah so true and YES! I’m ready for a movement. Let’s just show up in the world where we are and #forgetperfection! woohoo this is amazing!!! :)

  • Stephanie

    Thank you for sharing this. I feel like I have been in hiding the last few months. No car accidents here but major life changes that didn’t exactly go as I had expected. I quit a job that I had been at for 8 years but hated only to realize I have no idea what I want right now or even who I want to be. So I understand what it’s like to retreat because your body and mind need it but for me it’s also because I just can’t bear for the whole world to see me fall apart.

    My truth…well it’s love. A love for all that I come into contact with. Love is something that I know is REAL. Now I am trying to extend that love and compassion to myself which has been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to learn. Sometimes I feel like it’s just a waste of time maybe I am just broken but…I do have moments of clarity. Moments of connection with other people. These moments are like a breath of fresh air and I make it a point to capture them in my mind like snapshots.

    I know I am not alone but sometimes I feel like I am even when my kids are telling me about their day or begging me to watch a movie with them.

    Anyways we all have those seasons where we figure out who we really are. I am hoping that one day I will look back at this situation and laugh at how ridiculous it all is but for now I am just trying to be patient and give myself some grace.

    Hugs to you mama! And thanks for helping me not feel so alone today. It’s so hard to admit when things are off and it’s just so easy to disappear. But that’s just not how we are supposed to be living. I agree we all need to support each other in times of joy and distress.

    • Shauna

      Wow Stephanie. Thank you so much for sharing! I can relate to everything you’re saying. And I’m blown away by your truth. That’s incredible! Love is so what we all need and you’re not alone. We’re in this together!

      Hugs mama!
      xooxoox
      Shauna

  • Jen

    Shauna! What beauty has come through it as I read this blog post. Thank you for sharing your journey and where you are today—it’s beautiful. Thankful that Michael is okay, that you were strong enough to get through it and that you have found so much goodness to share with us. I say KALE YEAH to more gardening and traveling girl… go get it! xoxox

  • Adrienne

    Shauna,
    I just want to tell you that you’re beautiful! My eyes are welling up as I read your post and type this. You’ve always been beautiful on the outside but I see a heart of gold in this post and that is more important than anything on the outside. That’s what makes you an amazing wife that your husband is blessed with and the most wonderful mom your kids will love forever and I just know they will always be talking about your dance parties. You’re leaving a legacy for them and their future generations and that matters so much more than what the world thinks of you! I haven’t seen you in years but I felt like I was listening to my best friend share her innermost thoughts with me and I just want to encourage you today and to tell you that you are special and you were created with a unique gift that is just for you to discover and share with the world so listen to that inner voice. You’re right where you are supposed to be! Thankful that your family is okay! Bless you!! xoxo

    • Shauna

      Adrienne! Wow. Such a beautiful note here. Omg. I got tears and chills reading it. Thank you for the incredibly moving words and making me feel so special. Plus reminding me of what I do for my children – leaving a legacy! :) Love that!

      So happy you’re a part of this supportive community! So glad you’re here. :)

      xoxoxoox

      Shauna

  • Sandy

    Shauna- I really enjoyed reading your page. I do not have any children and my life has/is going fairly well. Since 2010, I have had way too many hip surgeries due to some bad ‘parts’. This has slowed me down soooooooo much, mainly because I had been a very active person. But, time has past, and I feel blessed that I had good insurance, so these surgeries cost me minimal. I also feel blessed that I have learned to appreciate what I do have and I have some awesome friends and a supportive husband. I have family (nieces and nephews) that I would do most anything for. So, life is pretty darn good for me. When I read your story, my heart went out to you. It sounds like you have made a very good decision to look at priorities differently. You need to focus on those changes because too many people do not recognize that a spiral event consisting of serious depression could be just around the corner.
    I found it interesting that you were, almost, apologizing for the picture that you posted. It was like you didn’t want to post it because it was a ‘plain jane’ kind of a picture. I did not see this though… I thought it was a beautiful picture of a young lady that has a kind heart. Beauty is NOT only skin deep!
    Continue to take the time to “smell the roses” or walk barefoot in the grass, or… whatever makes you feel free from the WAY too busy of schedules that you seem to have gotten yourself into. Love your husband and your children the best way you know how… but do LOVE yourself as much, if not more also.
    Thanks so much for sharing a part of your life that most all of us would never have gotten to know… you don’t owe any of your readers.. anything! But, if in some way you may gain by sharing the inner parts of you, please do it for yourself first and foremost!!
    Lots of us enjoy helping others, in some way, even if it is just by enjoying their thoughts and praying for them!
    Take time to just enjoy nature and the beautiful wildlife, etc. Continue to enjoy who you are becoming!! :)

    • Shauna

      Wow Sandy! What an incredible note to read. Thank you so much for taking the time to write down such a sweet and heartfelt message to me. I really appreciate you thinking of me and relating so well. Thank you for the incredibly kind words and for being a part of this supportive community. So glad to have you here. You rock!! :)

      Shauna

  • Claire

    Shauna – this was a beautiful post! And quite possibly my favourite of all of yours! NOT because it involves sadness or because I want you to endure hardships. But because you were raw, and open, and honest – I don’t know you well, but you seemed more like “you”. (And, by the way, in that photo you look gorgeous – geez, you have 3 boys and you still look young and fresh!) I always feel that when people are open and honest they become stronger – and in this post I really felt your strength.

    Thank you for being honest – with us and with yourself. It was beautiful to read, and I am wishing you well on your next steps. Go follow your heart :)

    And yes – I wish as women we could be more open about this stuff! I ran some workshops for women last year for exactly the same reason. I know so many women who act like they have it all figured out (“my apartment’s great, my husband’s great, my job is great, my life is great!”) – who are we kidding?! It takes a strong woman to say “No, enough is enough”. I am cheering you on from afar :)

    PS – I always thought you were one of those women who had it all together lol – healthy meals all the time… dance parties with your kids every night… successful business, etc etc…! But I respect you EVEN MORE for knowing the whole of you and not just the “edited” version we feel we have to show <3

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